June 28, 2016

How To Get Through A Breakup

In January I ended my 10-11 year relationship. 💔

I’ve gone back & forth about making this post / opening up.

I felt I didn’t owe anyone an explanation.
I didn’t want attention.
I didn’t have the right words.
I wanted to be kind on social media (he did nothing wrong – I just didn’t want to put something out there he wouldn’t have a say in).

But not sharing what I went through goes against how I run my platforms — I share my learning experiences.

If what I say helps one struggling girl, it’s worth it. ❤️ 👭

how to get through a breakup

For the last 5 months, I’ve gone through a lot. He was my first boyfriend. My first kiss. A member of my family. Everything. And I don’t regret that. Truly. I want good for him.

With him being all my firsts – he’s also my first breakup. This is the first time I’ve not been part of a couple since I was 17.

Learning to be alone, conquering solitude, caring about my needs & finding joy in myself as the badass boss I am … is an experience. 💕

I poured myself into the idea of LIVING MY BEST LIFE for ME (and Piper 🐶).

I’ve been through a journey (& I’m still on).

I’m not expert. Just a girl who wants to pass along some things that helped her (I think these can help no matter which side of the breakup you are on) …

1. Know your worth + what you control! 💁🏻

It took MANY personal development books, podcasts & therapy for me to discover these statements:

>It’s OKAY to break up with someone because you’re no longer a match.

>It’s okay to want more for yourself … to have high standards & know there’s a person out there who will RISE UP to them.

>It’s okay to grow as a person.

>It’s okay to end a relationship without scandal / drama.

>If a person shows you who they are, believe them. Believe their ACTIONS over their words.

>If you don’t like a situation, you can’t put it all on one person. YOU have to change something. Don’t sit around & wish for something else.

2. Therapy – get some! 📝

My therapist helped me realize ^ all of the above statements. She helped me see I was normal — I thought I was this huge bitch. And she helped realize I shouldn’t feel GUILTY for what I want in life. I am WORTH IT. 👏 And she helped me open my eyes that it’s up to me, I’m responsible for my own life.

3. Choose the right support system💖

My family, best friends, teammates & mentors are AMAZING.

Have people in your life who will ENCOURAGE, UPLIFT & LISTEN.

I have people who hear me out. Who love me. Who want to spend time with me. Who check-in on me.

Do I also have friends that haven’t proven good? A few. Bless & release. 🙏

4. Feel your feels 😰🤐😳😃

Somedays you’re going to be on the top of the world. Somedays you’ll cry in your car… a lot.

I’ve done both.

Yes, I may have been the one to end it but that doesn’t mean I was any less heartbroken by this major loss.

Ride out the emotion you are feeling in that moment.

It’s okay to cry, feel panic, feel happy then sad, or not even have words to describe how you feel.

BUT don’t dwell too long.

SIDE NOTE – right after it happens you’re going to feel the *immediate* need to find a new significant other. Don’t do it. Calm yourself down, breath, talk to good people. Remind yourself whoever you are with next deserves a person not carrying fresh baggage in a unhealthy mindset. Let this feeling pass.

5. Stand your ground👊

They’ll be back.

Trust me. And when they come back they say all the right things. All of them. Everything you wish you heard when you were together will be promised to you.

Listen to your intuition.

6. Keep a list of the reasons you don’t want to be with that person 📱

There will be a day you see them with someone else – thanks Facebook.

In that moment you’re going to be like, “what the fuck?!? It’s been a month! You loser piece of shit!” 😳 Feel your feels.

BUT refer back to your list.

Realize their new significant other gets THAT person you described on the list of “things not good for you.”

This might sound harsh, but do it.

SIDE NOTE — make a list of all the things YOU DO WANT in a mate (& hey some of these things can be traits your ex was great at).

AND make a list of all the things you bring to the table. <~ that list will make you PROUD & remind you that you are an irreplaceable God damn catch. 😘

7. Don’t social media stalk

Waste of time. 👋

I’m going to give you a free pass to do it a few times because that’s normal – but then knock that shit off.

I found this great quote on Pinterest — “Stalking an ex only equates to looking back at a life you once had — and that’s no way to make the best of the one you have now.”

8. Forgive & Be Grateful🙏

This will feel hard. Forgive him/her & anyone else involved who caused you pain. And forgive yourself for the things you did you might not be proud of.

Also, outside of forgiveness, thank them for what they taught you.

None of this directly to them — just put it out to The Universe. One night I said aloud to myself all the things I was thankful I got from our relationship / him & what I learned from it.

9. Have a fun life! 🎉💃

Fill up your calendar with events.
Take trips.
Complete exciting projects.
Invest in yourself – personal development, podcasts.
Exercise. A hot body is good revenge. (Kidding, kind of.)
Kiss your puppy.
Enjoy every moment.

Get out of your house every single day.

I play with my puppy, I laugh, I see the world, I grow my businesses, I try new things, I learn, I dress up & take myself on solo dates.

I’m not in any hurry. I’m not looking to rush or rebound. That is not healthy for me or my future significant other.

One day a high quality man will come into my life. And he’s going to find a woman who has her shit together & living a crazy cool fun-filled life she’s designed. He’s going to have an equally cool one & they’ll complement each other.

I hope this for you single girls too. 😘😘

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